my piano has gotten a little dusty over the past couple of weeks. today, i finally sat down and played for a couple hours this morning. i don't know how i go so long without playing.
i think i have finally figured out why i don't really like people to listen or watch me play. Playing it such an emotional and intimate thing for me, that when someone just says "good job, it sounded pretty", it kills me. I want whoever listens to sit there, like i do, with their heart overflowing with the joy or sorrow that the music brought them. there are only two...no, three who have ever done this.

One of them, comes over to my house, and he sits in the chair next to the piano and asks me to play. He will sit there for hours and keep asking me to play more. Another, comes over, or I go to her house, and we both play whats on our hearts. We mutually understand what the other is going through if we just open up and play.
The third, ah the third, you would find a bit silly. But, she is always next to me when i play. She sings the notes to all her favorites, and knows them by heart. Her favorites are my favorites. Sometimes she cries when I play, and sometimes she smiles, but she always listens with such intensity and longing. You would think i am crazy if you knew.

i miss them right now.