Hello friends,
My thoughts and therefore, my words, feel so jumbled and unorganized tonight (meaning this is going to be a wordy post). But, I need to write it out in order to clarify for myself, so here goes...
I had a bit of a revelation today. well, that's a bit dramatic, but I had a moving thought today. After going to the eye doctor to find out that my eyes are the best they have been my entire life (yes! I finally can see...phew!), I went canoeing with my family on the Fox River (the water source for the water we drink at my house in Illinois), followed by a walk to the creek with my well-missed and dearly loved dog, Spirit, and maybe the best Mediterranean dinner I've ever eaten at Naf Naf, I realized how much I just wanted to be alone. ahhhhh...time alone. While the rest of Chicago was watching the Blackhawks game, I had a cup of coffee, read my books, and THEN (this is the rather non-climactic climax...hence the upper case letters in 'then'), I watched a movie. Like I said...rather non-climactic.
"No Impact Man: The Documentary."
Just go watch the trailer or something. Oh! better, I'll post it right here!
I realized my never-ending desire to simplify my living, to leave less of a bad impact on the earth and do more to restore it and care for it in a more wholesome manner is not (or may not be) just a hippie fetish in search for a connectedness of all things. (That may be part of it...not the 'hippie fetish' part, but the 'connectedness of all things' part)
My whole life I have never excelled in one thing. I've always been mediocre at everything. School, sports, music, art, writing....even my passions have never been focused on anything in particular. So, somehow I landed at APU...don't know how or why...with a major in Global Studies and minors in Spanish and the Humanities. The problem is I have not been able to figure out what I'm passionate about exactly...and I do believe that is something one figures out eventually.
So, I watched this documentary and every few minutes tears would fill my eyes, and I'm thinking, "what the heck, this guy is just putting his garbage in a box of dirt and worms...why am I crying?" But...I don't know...it's Adventure Studies and AP Environmental Science in high school and summer camp and digging under rocks for worms and Huckleberry Finn that affected my thoughts. It's things like people putting care into their actions to see not only how they affect this beautiful planet we are a part of and commune with, but also how these actions affect every other human on this planet now and the future. It seems silly to me that what should be such a basic part of every life is a "passion" or mine.
My thoughts feel completely jumbled, and when I use a lot of ellipses, I know I am not writing clearly. I'm sorry that some label people like the no impact man a "hippie" or a "radical" in a negative way. And I know my opinion bears little weight and should probably continue to bear little weight, but I think these so-called "radicals" and "hippies" bring the world life, joy, and passion and I like them a bunch and perhaps will have such people as dear friends throughout my life.
Good night, you princes of Maine, you Kings of New England!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Please no WFR dreams. Please no High Sierra dreams.
I think I have said this every night before bed lately.
WFR dreams: Last week I took a Wilderness First Responder class in northern Wisconsin. I was immersed in the beautiful northwoods of Wisconsin near the small town of Boulder Junction. In the first lecture from my newly beloved teacher, Ann, I realized how little I knew about the human body. But, hey! with a little reading and learning, I was able to figure out a lot. Before when I would have guessed immediate death upon someone who had fallen from a big rock or vomited upon seeing blood gushing from a femur sticking out of someones skin, I now understand that the human body is fairly resilient. After a week of bloody simulations and the practicing of hundreds of spine-stable log rolls, puke-rolls, splinting, PAS-ing, I feel like I have a much better understand of the workings of the human body.
BUT, unfortunately every night last week, my dreams were filled with blood, guts, death, hypothermia, anaphylaxis, and whatever other crazy things my brain cooked up. So, my hope for now on is that I would have no more of these terrible dreams.
High Sierra dreams: Why is night the loneliest part of a day? Before falling asleep every night the week I got home from school, I would think about the fantastic life I enjoyed for the first few months of this year. And for some reason, it made me sad. So, I've been trying to figure out why such a great thing could make me so sad. And here's what I've discovered: High Sierra was perhaps the one time in my life I have felt completely comfortable being myself. Something about that place, the people, the hap-happenings...just made me feel so much like...well, me...if I could dare to say I know who "me" is.
I think I experienced what community is for the first time--something that was never created in family or school or church or friendships or any social situation I've ever been in. And I liked it a lot. AND, the sadness I think comes from thinking or believing that maybe I won't ever have something like that again. But, I now see that that is ridiculous. I am so incredibly glad that these past 5 months have been part of my life...but now I am excited about what comes next and what is to come from now on (however long that will be). I will not forget the friendships, the learning, the teachers (in form of author, professor, friend, mountain, or random folk), the laughter (and there was a lot), the many accents, or anything else that pops into my mind daily that brings back these dear memories.
BUT...no more sadness, no more sad dreams.
by the by, on my way home from Wiscaaansin, I met my broski at an Imogen Heap concert. She was...I can't think of an appropriate word, dang it...crazy, I guess. Her gestures and dancing were just so silly...so HER! But her music and the whole performance was very ethereal. It made me want to sit in an aquarium in front of the jellyfish exhibit for hours on end.
I think I have said this every night before bed lately.
WFR dreams: Last week I took a Wilderness First Responder class in northern Wisconsin. I was immersed in the beautiful northwoods of Wisconsin near the small town of Boulder Junction. In the first lecture from my newly beloved teacher, Ann, I realized how little I knew about the human body. But, hey! with a little reading and learning, I was able to figure out a lot. Before when I would have guessed immediate death upon someone who had fallen from a big rock or vomited upon seeing blood gushing from a femur sticking out of someones skin, I now understand that the human body is fairly resilient. After a week of bloody simulations and the practicing of hundreds of spine-stable log rolls, puke-rolls, splinting, PAS-ing, I feel like I have a much better understand of the workings of the human body.
BUT, unfortunately every night last week, my dreams were filled with blood, guts, death, hypothermia, anaphylaxis, and whatever other crazy things my brain cooked up. So, my hope for now on is that I would have no more of these terrible dreams.
High Sierra dreams: Why is night the loneliest part of a day? Before falling asleep every night the week I got home from school, I would think about the fantastic life I enjoyed for the first few months of this year. And for some reason, it made me sad. So, I've been trying to figure out why such a great thing could make me so sad. And here's what I've discovered: High Sierra was perhaps the one time in my life I have felt completely comfortable being myself. Something about that place, the people, the hap-happenings...just made me feel so much like...well, me...if I could dare to say I know who "me" is.
I think I experienced what community is for the first time--something that was never created in family or school or church or friendships or any social situation I've ever been in. And I liked it a lot. AND, the sadness I think comes from thinking or believing that maybe I won't ever have something like that again. But, I now see that that is ridiculous. I am so incredibly glad that these past 5 months have been part of my life...but now I am excited about what comes next and what is to come from now on (however long that will be). I will not forget the friendships, the learning, the teachers (in form of author, professor, friend, mountain, or random folk), the laughter (and there was a lot), the many accents, or anything else that pops into my mind daily that brings back these dear memories.
BUT...no more sadness, no more sad dreams.
by the by, on my way home from Wiscaaansin, I met my broski at an Imogen Heap concert. She was...I can't think of an appropriate word, dang it...crazy, I guess. Her gestures and dancing were just so silly...so HER! But her music and the whole performance was very ethereal. It made me want to sit in an aquarium in front of the jellyfish exhibit for hours on end.
Friday, May 14, 2010
So, I've been back in Illinois for a week now. And it's been, well....dreary. But, I've still been able to do the things I love.
I hung out in the city with my broski in hipster Wicker Park, visiting one of my favorite bookstores and vegetarian restaurants. Did some rock climbing (in a gym of course...there are no real rocks here), went swing dancing and did the Charleston all night long. AND...I only spent 12 dollars the whole day. rock climbing and swing dancing...$12 plus free good company!
And because today is the first nice day, I have set up my slack line in the backyard and I've been listening to Jonsi as I read and slack line...not at the same time. That would be impressive: reading on the slack line.
Moving around so much leaves me confident that no matter where I am, not only do I have my forever constant companions of books and music (to play and listen to), but there are always people everywhere lonely and in need of a friend that I could be if I so choose.
Tomorrow I'm headed northward for a Wilderness First Responder class at the tip of Wisconsin. I'm excited to learn something I know nearly nothing about. This past week I've been learning from books and such, but it will be nice to have a teacher around to help me out and answer my questions for a little while. I'll spend the next 9 days there, then I'll be back in the midwest for one more week before I head back west!
Reading: "Mountaineering: the Freedom of the Hills" and Huston Smith's "The World's Religions" (excellent book. if religion, philosophy and theology interest you...as they should considering you are human...you should give this book a try)
Listening to: Jonsi "Around Us"
I hung out in the city with my broski in hipster Wicker Park, visiting one of my favorite bookstores and vegetarian restaurants. Did some rock climbing (in a gym of course...there are no real rocks here), went swing dancing and did the Charleston all night long. AND...I only spent 12 dollars the whole day. rock climbing and swing dancing...$12 plus free good company!
And because today is the first nice day, I have set up my slack line in the backyard and I've been listening to Jonsi as I read and slack line...not at the same time. That would be impressive: reading on the slack line.
Moving around so much leaves me confident that no matter where I am, not only do I have my forever constant companions of books and music (to play and listen to), but there are always people everywhere lonely and in need of a friend that I could be if I so choose.
Tomorrow I'm headed northward for a Wilderness First Responder class at the tip of Wisconsin. I'm excited to learn something I know nearly nothing about. This past week I've been learning from books and such, but it will be nice to have a teacher around to help me out and answer my questions for a little while. I'll spend the next 9 days there, then I'll be back in the midwest for one more week before I head back west!
Reading: "Mountaineering: the Freedom of the Hills" and Huston Smith's "The World's Religions" (excellent book. if religion, philosophy and theology interest you...as they should considering you are human...you should give this book a try)
Listening to: Jonsi "Around Us"
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