So, I kind of have a huge problem with short term mission trips. After the few that I have been on, I just feel like there are really grave problems surrrounding them which I may or may not write about later.
But right now I feel such a desire to go somewhere. If in heaven there are going to be people of every tribe, tongue and language, do we not need to be advancing the kindgdom of God in every nation now? As a desendent of Abraham, of Israel, should I be sent away?
Or do I live my life here and now investing my love and care into the people that surround me as I live through each day?

I feel like the Christian concept of "missions" is really strange, and I just don't know exactly how I feel about it right now.
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I don't tell the people that I love how much I love them often enough.

I saw Where the Wild Things Are last night.

I have heard so many criticisms of it, but I liked it a lot. I thought it was beautiful. I understood Max. I get that sadness and loneliness and the need for forgiveness. It made me want to run around and play in the forest, cuddle in a pile of furry creatures, and build a fort (which is exactly what I did when I got back to my room).

I absolutely loved that it was not computerized...so refreshing.

I guess I felt the need to write this because I enjoyed it so much and I don't really understand why people see movies and feel the need to tell their every judgement of it. Can you and I go and enjoy this creative endeavor together? And afterward let's talk about how it affected us. Why do people instead talk about all the things they don't like and criticize the art? (maybe I am over analyzing the movie-going habits of the people around me...it just made me feel foolish that I liked it so much)

It looked lovely. It sounded lovely. It made me think about life and humanity. It compelled me to contemplate my life.

Every line of this entry starts with I. just thought you should know.

I am kind of overwhelmed with the beauty of so many people around me.

I am feeling like an ass though. I am learning what it means to be willing to fail and taking ownership of the foolish things I do.

I celebrated the Jewish Sabbath, Shabbat Shalom, last night. It was one of the best meals I have ever had. An evening of gratitude, and learning about people, and having conversations that were so beautiful I was almost brought to tears. Jesus himself is within these people. and that radical love breaks my heart. It is crazy to think that Jesus said those same prayers that I said and had a similar experience of community and thanksgiving every seventh day of his life. I love those traditions that are sopping in history. I love being a part of something so great. oh so great.

I am studying so many things that are utterly heart-breaking. It would be so easy to become bitter and angry at America and at Christians. I am just realizing how much I am going to have to rely on God the next few years as I learn about and experience some rather evil things that man is doing.

I just enjoyed a lovely cup of roobios tea. mmm. Now I am going to consume as much Vitamin C as I can so that The Swine doesn't get me.

Writing on Sundays is becoming a bit of a habit.

I had a little bit of an adventure this weekend. I went to La Jolla cove/beach near San Diego. I kayaked in the ocean. Here are some of my favorite parts of the weekend:

• Watching the sea lions. They were just laying out on the rocks, spooning with each other and just relaxing and enjoying themselves greatly. They were eating the fish in the ocean too...that was exciting.
• I snorkeled a bit and saw some beautiful leopard sharks. Their skin is really incredible. I also followed some rays around for a while.
• A couple new friends and I kayaked out to the end of a pier and found some chain ladders going from the water to the top of the pier (maybe about 30 feet up). So we got out of our kayaks (one at a time, of course) and made the ascent to the top of that bugger, took a great gulp of air, pushed off the pier, and flew through the air into the refreshing water. Ahh...why is jumping off things so exhilirating?
• Sat out on a cliff watching the ocean at night with a new friend.
• Slept peacefully through the night in my sleeping bag in the fresh air...until 3 in the morning when the automatic sprinklers sprang a suprise attack on me. Thank you Point Loma Nazarene University for keeping your grass so well-watered.
• Spent my Sunday playing at the beach some more, having battles with seaweed as our weapons, and climbing rocks.
• Had another war tonight, except our ammunition was bottles of paint. What if when we waged actual wars, we really did use paint or seaweed or water guns.

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

– Harold Whitman

Brobdingnagian (sweet word, right? reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut)

I am just thoroughly happy right now.
My room is thoroughly stocked with everything I enjoy. A lovely selection of my favorite teas (rooibos, yerba mate, chai, green-jasmine), some dried blueberries, raw almonds, dark chocolate raisins, guacamole and fresh tortilla chips. I've got plenty of books. I feel like books kind of become a part of me once I read them. The ideas from the author get stirred up with my own ideas and experiences and they just become a part of how I view the world. I love that so much.

I am finding spots around here that I like to be. Places to study, to read, to make music...places that feel like my own I guess. I love the Theological library. The floors squeak. I want to read every book in that library. There is also a nice patch of grass and trees (some might call it a garden) outside that library where I like to be before noon because the sun is at a pleasing angle then. Between 5 and 7, there are some tables I like to sit at where the sun shines a little bit. I can sit there until the sun goes behind a building, then it gets a little chilly. I like the way the sun shines through the palm trees as it sets. There is also a great tree that I think God made for us to sit in and read or take naps. It is perfectly formed for people to lay in it. perfect. The smog here makes it kind of difficult to breathe sometimes, but it makes every single sunset really beautiful.

Does anyone else think that maybe time changes? September went by really fast for me and other people too. Maybe it really did go by faster and it is not just a feeling. Maybe time can bend a bit... we just don't really understand it. Maybe not.

Oh hey, Transamerica bike trail summer 2010 (Astoria, Oregon to Yorktown, Virginia). Tell all your friends. I have found a vagabond to join me (if I can find him in May) and lots of "maybes" from those who probably will end up doing something much less story-worthy. I will work many days of my life...and those days will be good ones no doubt. But, I have a body that can ride a bike and sleep on the ground right now...so I am going to use it well.

I feel like I just think about God all the time, and then when I get on here that is what comes out

I can't really explain my love of Sundays. They are always my favorite day of the week. Keeping the sabbath is something I have come to love.

I feel like a lot of the time when I say I pray, I don't actually pray. I like to just be in the presence of God sometimes. Just me and Him. Neither of us have to speak. And it just makes me so happy, so content to be with someone who loves me that much and who I am learning to love. I know how badly he wants to be the lover of my soul and I hate that I consistently run after other things that I think will please me, but he knows I will never find something as good as Him. I know I will never find something as good as Him.

Imagine him just longing after me wanting me to love him, but instead I ignore him and I love myself, and boys, and love , and food, and the acceptance of other people, and adventure...but mostly myself. I imagine him watching me loving everything but him, and it makes me think of all the times I have watched other people love everything but me and how heart-wrenching that feeling is. How can I treat the one who loves me like no one will ever love me like I do? (woah, that was a confusing sentence)

But He can teach me to love Him, and I am the most ready to learn now than I ever have been. And His Spirit is in me because of His son. And His spirit within me produces incredible fruit in my life, specifically the ability to love. And that makes me so excited. like jump-up-and-down, dance-around-the-room, talk-way-too-loud-for-the-situation-I'm-in-and-make-people-stare excited.


I could run with super-speed like Elijah.


(please call me and I will tell you this story if you don't know it. It is my favorite story ever. ever. The way I tell it will make you love it too. You could read it yourself, but I would be absolutely thrilled to tell it to you. thrilled.)

I got shoes
You got shoes,
All God's children got shoes.
When we get to heaven
We're goin' to put on our shoes
An' shout all over God's heaven,
Heaven! Heaven!