"this is the s*** memories are made of"

Dearest Emerald Cove,

It has been 12 months now that I have known you--one full year. I have spent each day with you. I thought it would take me a while to feel at home here, at least a couple weeks, but within the first hour of being here, I knew I had never felt so at home in a place.
You've seen me change dramatically. At my best and my worst. You've seem my cry like a child and play a child. You've also seen me cry like an adult and learn and teach like an adult.

In January, there was no way you could get me to dance in front of anybody. Now, in December, you couldn't stop me from dancing if the right beat comes on.

I am capable of being more gentle with others and with myself. I have more endurance with ideas and thoughts, with relationships, and even with physical activity now. I realize how blessed I am in the things I took for granted before.

I have acquired a love for a simple life, and that includes more than just materials I possess. I have a passion for a simplicity of mind that I will continue to learn about and practice.

I learned to be extroverted. Loving others and serving others often means not being the introvert I wish to be and am naturally inclined to be.

I learned to let myself be loved by others. To take compliments and believe in myself. I learned that I have value.

I learned to love others. all others, not just people like me. I learned to love people that really piss me off.

I learned how to navigate the night sky! I know constellations now. byah!

I learned to have a much freer spirit. To adventure everyday. To dress up in silly costumes a lot. To laugh a lot. To cry a lot. To really throw everything I am into relationships.

I learned to love rock-climbing. A vertical dance on rocks that makes me feel success, failure, frustration, elation, fear, confidence, anxiety, and peace all at the same time. I have learned a new lifestyle, one of living, eating, waking, sleeping, and playing outdoors.

I learned so much more. about myself. about the world. about the earth. about humanity. about God. about community. about leading. about loving. about the outdoors. about learning. about teaching. about praying. about living. sheesh.

what a good year. what a passionate, life-giving year.
may I bless others with what I have learned and how I've changed.
may I never take people or relationships or opportunities or experiences for granted.
may we all stop and watch the sunset more often.
may we notice the changes in the night sky, and not forget the earth we are a part of.
may we allow ourselves to be loved and cared for.
may we all take the time to serve others with all we have.

Sincerely,
Whitney aka "Tibia"

p.s. the title quote is what my friend said after our epic thanksgiving backpacking trip. i should record that on here.

May our commitment to you far exceed any other commitments we have made.

The pastor said this in his prayer this morning.
As I make commitments to new ideas and ways of thinking about the world everyday, this prayer seems essential for me. I learn about Taoism and it seems beautiful and legitimate.
I grab onto pragmatism and Plato's Republic and the ideas of friends and far-off wanderers and journeymen.
I hear lyrics that reflect a way that I understand reality and I commit to that way of seeing things.
And faith gets more complicated everyday with every conversations I have, books I read, and classes I attend.

But, I am realizing (with the help of some very honest friends) that my commitments to a way of thinking fluctuate daily.
But, I don't think that is a bad thing. It is a sign that I am trying to figure things out. I am struggling to know what I believe and struggling even more to articulate that.

But, I think I am going to continue this prayer that my commitment to God may "far exceed any other commitments" that I make.

I am leaving Bass Lake, California in less than 2 weeks.

and I cannot stop thinking about this past year and all that it has meant to me, about the people that have come in and out of my life, about all this place has meant to me.

and i am more sentimental than I ever have been.

and tears come pretty easily these days...like right now.