I've been thinking about what these past few months have meant to me quite a bit lately as there are only 12 days left in the semester. (Actually I should have been thinking about final paper topics instead) I am so pleased with the friendships that have begun this semester. There are a couple people I can't imagine not being friends with the rest of my life. Then there are the people I have liked being with this semester and we have connected in some way or another, but I will probably never be good friends with them. Then there are the people who I didn't really connect with, but may in the future...put probably not. And lastly, there are the people I connected with at the beginning of the semester thinking we would be good friends, and yet our friendship is more or less meaningless now...and that makes me sad, but so is life, I guess...

One thing I've noticed from this semester is the lack of meaningful, deep conversations I have taken part in. Other people keep saying that meaningful conversations have been an important part of the past few months, but I don't feel that way at all. Luckily, I think I understand why. Nearly all of my beliefs I have ever held have been destroyed, challenged, and questioned. Some have been rebuilt time and again, but I am almost afraid to formulate opinions because of the possibility that they could be completely ruined once again. And that makes me seem really cowardly...but I guess that is more or less what has been stopping me. My contribution to class discussion has been nearly non-existent, and my ability to formulate opinions and passionate arguments has been...stunted, I guess.

There is so much going on in my mind and so much questioning and doubting, there hasn't been nearly enough time for the formulation of opinion regarding all that is being questioned. Then again, I feel like I haven't connected with the people well enough that I could have meaningful conversations with...and again, that makes me quite sad.

snow and God and dancing and life

Time is going by much too fast.

I don't want this to end. this semester.


It's too scary...too sad... to imagine life without these people in it.

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Yesterday, only a few of us didn't go out to dinner. Three of us made leftovers together and drank root beers. It was pouring rain. Everyone was gone. It was me, Mo, and Joey. Mo plugged her ipod into the speakers, and the two of us started dancing around the dining hall. Then Joey opened the windows, and the three of us moved our dance party into the pouring rain. I fell in the mud, and was dripping wet and covered in mud. And we felt free. and we felt alive. and we were happy.
The music:
K'naan - In the beginning
Passion Pit - Sleepyhead
Jonsi - Go do, Animal Arithmetic
Karen O & the Kids - All is Love

Then we walked inside and sat down and finished doing our homework. Then the power went out for the rest of the night because that's what happens when it rains and snows here. Oh yea...there is snow...it dumped on us today. it's magically beautiful...but it's April for goodness sake.

This afternoon we an "epic multi-faceted event" called Battle of the Sexes. I ran and jumped in the river and won the event (yes...snow on the ground, and I jumped in the river)! It was silly, good fun with great people. Then we went to Rite-Aid and got ice cream...perhaps the best ice cream around. Then we sat around with two of our profs and asked questions about faith and philosophy. And they made me believe in God and Jesus more than I have the entire semester. If men as wise as them have their own reasons for being Christians after reading all these people who prove it meaningless...maybe it's possible that it is true.
(Church has been terrible lately as my mind has been bombarded with Nietzsche, Hume, and now Pragmatism...but this little chat helped a lot)

And there is just something in my soul that tells me the connectedness of everything, the flow of life, the tradition and history of Faith, the "circles" you could say that create all that is can't be nothing. There must be a center to it all...and that's one thing I feel like I don't have to try to coerce myself into believing. Yeah, and maybe that's not based on reason....but, I guess I've come to realize that there are things beyond reason, and faith in God may be one of those things.

p.s. Jonsi's album "Go" is so stinking happy. and I like it a whole lot. Right now I am listening to "Boy Lilikoi" and thinking about Plenty-Coups and the Crows.

Quite an eventful spring break thus far.

It is weird to think I am in Pacific Grove, California with a bunch of people I didn't even know a couple months ago, and when I met I never would have guessed I would be sleeping in their homes and hanging out with their families. But, don't get me wrong, it is good.

Eleven of us were backpacking for a few days in Big Sur, which made me wish I had read Kerouac's "Big Sur". It was really beautiful, with incredible views of huge rolling hills, the occasional whiff of the ocean, gorgeous wildflowers, and enormous redwoods. Good company and a good place to be made it a memorable trip. (not to mention me jumping out of my hammock in the night...that's a story for another time)

Since then, life has been chill (as it should be, I guess). Hmm, I've been bouldering, disc golfing, ocean-watching, aquarium-visiting, reading, and enjoying being in homes.

Oh. I am reading Emerson for philosophy class...I'm excited.