i am feeling lonely, and no one has even left yet.
i am scared of the loneliness that i will feel in a short while.
incredible relationships have been made this summer. relationships that make me want to know Jesus, that make me think, make me question, make me love, make me live.
i hate that so many people i love will be gone in a week. i fear the loneliness that i felt earlier this year. i am afraid of sitting alone in my room every night and knowing that no one want to be with me...even my family.
i really have no friends here. i can't stand high school any more. no one understands me. it is so hard to be here where no one understands you, and know that there is a place where you are understood, but you can't go. you have to wait. you have to be patient.
and it hurts.
it hurts me.
if just one person around me understood me. had dreams of something more, something bigger.
but, where are these people and how do i find them, contact them, and know them?
i so badly want this school year to be over, and it hasn't even started.
why can i not just be content with now?? right now?
"For a while the hobbits continued to talk and think of the past journey and of the perils that lay ahead; but such was the virtue of the land of Rivendell that soon all fear and anxiety was lifted from their minds. The future, good or ill, was not forgotten, but ceased to have any power over the present. Health and hope grew strong in them, and they were content with each day as it came, talking pleasure in every meal, and in every word and song." -J.R.R. Tolkien
1 comment:
Whitney,
This may sound strange, but in a lot of really crazy ways... you're being blessed by them leaving. I think that with friendship, there needs to be random breaks.
Especially for people like you. You're EXTREMELY caring. I could see your love for people and your love for God influencing the way you treat your friends. I could see you thinking about others before yourself. (And that can sometimes be scary.)
Perhaps use the time you have alone, with your friends gone, to find yourself... even more than you already have. Trust me, I think you're one of the very few people I know who really has things down. I'm not particularly sure exactly how old you are, but you're definately "wise beyond your years."
But the greatest thing about the human mind, is the constact search for something more. There's so much beauty left to be found in you...
Use these months... alone in your room, or wherever, to find these beauties. The hidden or even obvious ones you missed. You're blessed because you're given the opportunity to have extra, genunie time with yourself
and with God.
Cherish it. : ) You'll be fine. If I managed through that... I'm sure you will too.
If you ever get too lonely btw, note that I'm always here. We don't know each other, but as I read your blogs, I feel as if you're probably one of the very few people to see where I'm coming from.
Things will be okay. And I can actually promise that. There will be struggles here and there, but ultimately... you're the blessed one.
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