I've realized how accustomed I have become to being alone. I can handle being alone most of the time. I can handle having only myself and God being there. In fact, I enjoy it usually. But, sometimes, I have a desire to be with people, to play volleyball or frisbee, or just do something. Just being with other human being. anything.
For so many Friday nights, and Saturdays I have spent so much time calling people, and e-mailing people, and trying to get people to do something with. But, no one ever wants to do anything, or they just make up excuses, or are with other friends. I am so sick of it. I am tired of being in a group of people that talk about a party they had, or are having, and me being the only one that wasn't there or wasn't invited.
And,sometimes I just can't help but think why don't people want to be around me?
I have had friends all my life. I have always had people who would at least invite me along even if they didn't truly want me there. I have always had at least one friend. one person to call when I have tried everything, and am bored out of my mind. But, not now.
I have been told that Loneliness if only for lazy people, but I feel so far away from being lazy. I don't sit around and wait for people to invite me or call me, I do call people. And, if no one responds, I spend time alone...I go swim, or run, or I read or learn new things, or make music. I don't think that loneliness is only for lazy people.
Also, I know that people care about me, and that encourages me so much.
But, I will never be able to get through a summer alone, everyday.
3 comments:
You should meet my friend Sarah. You two have A LOT in common. It's uncanny.
I love that cd, by the way.
nice blog
you can always call me, i usually dont have anything planned ahead of time for fridays so remember that you can always call me
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