This entry ended up being really long.
For my English/History block class, I am reading "Warriors Don't Cry". There are 15 people on the attendance list for my class, and usually 11 show up. We read 2 chapters each night. From the week to the end of the year, the class is student led. Each student in my class was assigned a few days to lead discussion over the chapters read on the previous nights. We go into class, the teacher makes a pot of coffee, we sit on the ground in a circle, eat some breakfast, drink some coffee, and discuss the book.We talk about things like loving people more no matter what, not caring about outward appearances, being strong, being courageous, fighting a battle every day of our lives. The kids in my class do drugs. They party. They have sex. They act like idiots a lot of the time. But they amaze me every day by coming to class and leading discussions about things that weigh their hearts down.
At the beginning of this school year, I would get annoyed and frustrated with my classmates because of their ignorance. And because of their stupidity, and disrespect. Now, 9 months later, I have so much respect for them, and I care about them. I care about their souls so much.
Reflecting on this past school year, so much has changed for me. Small things have changed like my clothing style, my choice of movies, the music I listen to, the food I consume, where my money goes, my ability to run long lengths...etc. But, huge things have changed too. Not only did I learn to love myself and be content with who I am, but I also learned to love other people. My heart has softened so much this year. I used to not cry at funerals of family members. Now my heart hurts when I see an animal that was hit by a car. I used to not care at all about what was going on in the world except for what was going on with me. Now, a day doesn't go by that I don't learn about/do something about oppressed people around the world, or in my neighborhood, or at my school.
Even with all this gains, I have lost some things too. I used to be so courageous. I would do anything at all. This had a lot to do with my best friends and departed neighbor, Zach. After he moved away, I lost most of my courage, and that has pretty much declined the whole year. I always find myself saying "what if I did that" or "I wish I could do that" or I think about do something completely outrageous and crazy...but I NEVER do it. And my stories always end with "but, we (I) didn't do it". This can't be the end to my stories anymore. That's lame. This summer, along with my huge list of things to do and goals and dreams (I might put that up here sometime), I really want to get my courage back.
Today, I went shopping for clothes for the first time in terribly long time. I have been trying really hard lately to find old clothes from the attic, my parents closet, my grandparents' homes, garage sales, the bottom of my closet instead of buying new clothes. But, I started to get really bored. Bored with my choices. So I went shopping, and got some new choices! I think my problem is that I can't survive without change. I long for change so much. I get bored with monotony so easily.
When I was little, I would rearrange all the furniture in my room all by myself a few times a month because I got bored, and needed change. If I get into a routine everyday, I go completely insane. If I walk the same route home from school everyday, I don't even take that half hour to think about anything. Then my days start to blur together. And my nights cease to exist.
Okay, I am exaggerating quite a bit.
All to say...I like change, and that's why I like shopping for new things. (that sounds lame)
Summer is almost here.
I am getting anxious. :)
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