I am learning so much about the pain and suffering in this world. and it hurts so bad. to hear about my brothers and sisters. to hear about God's own creation, made in his image. to hear about people that Christ died for. to hear the horrors that governments and powerful systems have done...
I am doing a research paper on torture and Guantanamo Bay. I am hearing stories about slavery in Azusa. I am watching documentaries on sex-trafficking. documentaries about North Korea. Stories of hurt and pain from around the world that I have heard in the past two weeks are ripping apart my heart.
And yes, it hurts.
I don't usually respond emotionally to anything, really. I immediately start thinking and making connections in my mind and I never give my heart time to respond. I also respond physically. As I sat in the library reading books about Guantanamo, I started shaking.. Violence in books or movies always makes my stomach hurt. At one point, I had to stop reading for fear of throwing up. But...nothing emotionally. nothing.
Until Wednesday night when I went to chapel. As the room began worshipping, I started thinking about all that I had absorbed the past couple weeks. I thought about how many things we do that hurt God. We treat other human beings as if they are less than human...how much that must hurt God to see his beautiful creation being torn apart. And I started crying, and then I couldn't stop. I didn't stop throughout the worship. or throughout the speaker. or after I left the building. It took me an hour or two to process it all. Sleep didn't come very easily that night.
Throughout processing this all, I have still found this hope.
That God will take this darkness and turn it into light.
He is bringing about this Shalom. Restoring relationships and community.
My heart just feels so heavy right now.
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p.s. I love the word namaste. "I see God in you" (that's probably an incredibly rough translation...but isn't it beautiful?). You are made in the image of God, and I see that. You are a beautiful creation that reflects all that He is. You are His. ahhhh....so good.
1 comment:
We actually had a sermon centered on orphans and adoption this morning. This post reminds me of that. There are 143 million orphans in the world - which equates to the 9th largest country in the world (if all the orphans constituted one country). There was no emotional video or horrible stories about what happens to orphans specifically - but it was a very scriptural call to take care of the orphans and to pray about adopting or being involved in foster care. It was very cool. A great reminder that there is something we can do to make things better in this world and to love people the way that the Father loves us (through adoption, as he adopts all his children).
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