Tonight and the past few days have made me think about how I act in relation to different people.
I am realizing how much more I enjoy being with people one on one than in a group of people. When I am with a group of people, especially people I don't know all that well, I get so incredibly uncomfortable. And it's not only discomfort, but an extreme loneliness. Also if I am with 5 or 6 people that I do know and like really well, I am still not completely myself. I don't talk very much in a group that size, so I just feel disconnected and once again, lonely.

But why do I do this? Why am I not able to be myself completely around everyone? Why does my personality just shut down immediately when I am in a group situation?

It just makes me feel lonely and sad. and wonder why I cannot be myself always.

It makes me want to sleep in a pile.