My lack of writing has come from a general lack of inspiration and creativity. The routine and busyness of sheep camp has kind of smothered my creativity, as routine is known to do. And inspiration, as a dear friend of mine recently said, "Fuck inspiration. We can't wait for that finicky bitch to come. We have to try everyday amid the routine to uncover and make more of the beauty we see and feel around us." How to  uncover that beauty comes down to actually sitting down with a pen and paper, or a guitar, or whatever outlet I choose and physically getting it out of my head. I was told in school that you really know nothing until you can write it down, and that seems so true. How little of my thoughts are illuminated until I bring them into being.

I'm growing tough as I grow older, it seems like; I mimic the sycamore trees and the linden leaves. And I do what I can to not grow cold or bitter; to keep trusting and giving and loving despite how many times I've been disappointed and hurt. It's always all or nothing with me. My loyalty is really a pretty frustrating characteristic. That seems to be the key to living a full life though, you have to let yourself feel all of the things, there are no free good feelings, they are all accompanied by pain.

Mercury was in retrograde this month. As someone who has a hard time believing in anything other than my day to day life, I believe in astrology about as seriously as I believe in any religion or even science. Mercurian retrograde is an optical allusion where it appears as if mercury stops and moves backwards for about three weeks. In astrology, this is a time of chaos in our lives. In our relationships, sometimes we gloss over things that pushed our buttons at the time; we let it slide. During mercurian retrograde, what seemed not worth the trouble can reveal itself as a major issue in need of our attention. It's a time to reflect inward, slow down, and review once underlying patterns come to light. There's a good chance its all bullshit, but for the past two years, when Mercury is in retrograde it seems like a million things go wrong in my life, especially socially. I wish I had hid away all month and avoided any social interaction. Luckily, mercury is back to normal, and that is reason for celebration. Here's to a great rest of the summer, hell, to a great rest of the year. I'm stoked about the future right now, seriously looking forward to what's coming at me next in life.