I am a Tree

Woke up this morning, pleased to be going to worship with the church and learn something meaningful.

I love singing with a group of people who also recognize the smallness of our lives and desire to love the God who loves us. And it was good this morning, as it always is when I grasp that something bigger than me is going on. The pastor and several folks that got baptised last weekend had a conversation about baptism and the impact on their lives.

I was baptised as a baby. I have seen a few baptisms since then. I have always known it was commanded by Jesus, yet I always had this ridiculous thought in my mind that it wasn't that important. I think it was mostly my pride. I just never did it. In Peru, most of my team was baptized in the Amazon River as I watched, yet I never thought about it. I never did it in the giant bathtub. I just didn't. I have no excuse for not obeying.

For the past week and half, I have felt something missing in my relationship with God. There is a bunch of garbage I am coming to terms with in my life. I am accepting that it is there, and seeing how it screws around with the rest of my life and the lives of the people around me. But, I have also felt like I don't know what to do NOW. In these last two weeks before my surroundings change, do I just wait for that time to come? What do I do now?

So the sermon/conversation ends. I am thinking about how I would like to get baptised, but there has never been an opportunity that I was willing to participate in. Then, the pastor explains that God talked to him earlier in the week telling him to be ready to baptise people this weekend. So, he bought a pool (and shirts, shorts, flip flops, underwear, hair crap, make-up remover). They tried to get rid of any excuse people could make not to get baptised. Then he invited anyone to go change into some clothes and let the world know they were in love with God.

I could feel my heart beating real fast, getting a little shaky. The band started playing a song and everyone started singing. I wasn't thinking about worship. I was thinking: this is my second week at this church, I don't know anyone, my parents aren't here, I don't know the pastor WAIT why not? I need to do this. I want to do this. I'm in love with God and God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'll be. That settles it. Completely.

I looked at my brother and we both kind of said "You wanna do it?"

You know the rest of the story, I think.

So, this was my first shot at doing anything like this. I am kind of unhappy with it. I am excited to keep trying different things with different materials. This time I used an apple and a lime.

I don't know if this is art or a craft. Art makes me think of something completely different than Crafts. meh, why does it matter what it is called.

I made something. Something new. It took a bit o' creativity. That's a good thing.

A Recommendation for You:

I just listened to a podcast (sermon) that was profound and beautiful. I would post a link to it if I knew how, but I don't.

It is about singing in church.

It is a Mars Hill Bible Church Podcast from 7/25/09 entitled Why to Sing by Rob Bell and Troy Hatfield.

I tried printmaking for the first time.

my materials:

I'm not very happy with the prints, I might fix 'em up a little, then maybe put a picture up.

The lime didn't work well. and it smelled weird mixed with paint.

another absurd entry...sorry

I thought I would share what I do in my incredibly interesting life.

I hear lots of people talking about "not having enough time". That whole phrase doesn't really make sense to me because, first of all, you cannot have time like you have a book or something, it is just an idea, so there is no way you could not have enough of it. Secondly, well I actually don't have a second thought about it anymore.

Well...what I am getting at is this: if time can be had...then I have too much of it right now. If it were possible, I would give my extra time to all those people whose time is hiding in a bush or is off wandering. I would probably put it in a package with a nice bow and send it to them in the mail. I don't know if time does well in the mail...does it get torn or bent? carsick? does it need bubble wrap? how much does it weigh? I don't know...that all seems a bit too difficult. (I use ... way to much...it annoys me...it probably annoys you too...why do I continue to do it... ... ...)

Well this is what my large amount of time and I have done today:

Made a map of the creases in the palm of my left hand...so I never get lost?

Drew a map of my favorite sitting spots by my house. Maybe I will give it to someone I like so they can enjoy these spots too.

Made a list of all the things I do to escape, just in case I lose my mind (don't worry that won't happen, I've got a map of that too and a tracking device on it)

Cut abuncha (don't worry, it's a word. It's England English for a-bunch-of. Trust me. It's okay) circles out of lotsa (again, England English. This is okay too.) pages in a magazine, and glued them in my journal. (can you guess the magazine?)

AND I wrote an award-worthy post on my blog. (It couldn't have been done without my loyal companion, Time, I love you man)

[... used 12 times, ahem, 13 now]

summer lovin'

At the beginning of the summer, my relationship with God had kind of fallen to the wayside. I guess I kind of stopped pursuing Him, and then forgot how to love Him. (oh, I hate writing that...how did I forget to love the only one who loves me as much as he does? ... I am stupid) Anyway, I was taking a walk with a friend in the first weeks of summer and something slid out of my mouth like "I hate that guy because..." or something. My friend responded saying something kind of but not even close to: "Really? You hate him? I didn't think you did that". I didn't actually hate anyone, but the fact that I could say something like that about another human really freaked me out. I realized at the instant that I had stopped loving everyone regardless of what they do or who they are. And it hurt me. It felt like I had cheated on my one true love. I felt like I had cheated on God. I don't know how else to explain how I felt...

Since then, I have fallen on my face more than I ever have in my life. I have been talking to God like crazy just trying to get to know Him again and be honest (with Him and myself) again. On my backpacking trip in California, I got to do a 24 hour solo (well, almost 24 hours, it started to rain while I was sleeping, and we had to gather together). During those 14 or something hours alone with God, I feel like I really started to love Him again. Then after the trip, I was alone at my Uncle's home a lot, and so I spent most of those days talking to God and reading some of his word, and just thinking.

A few days ago, I went and bought a copy of Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I didn't expect too much from it. But after every couple pages I found myself in tears or close to it because of how Francis Chan describes God's love for me. It took me a while to read the book because I kept closing the book so I could talk to God, and read the bible, and just think about His "crazy" love for me.

I was riding my bike yesterday, and I was thinking about what summer is to me. It has always been a time for me to be refreshed in every aspect of my life. By the end of summer, I usually have gotten rid of that nice layer of fat on my body, and physically feel more alive and much stronger. I eat more fresh food, drink more water in the summer...and it makes me feel good. I always get pretty stinkin' sad/down in the winter, but in the summer I feel so much happier and joyful. But, it mostly is a time for me to refocus on God. By the end of summer, I also feel like a stronger person, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It's looking like it's going to be that way this time too :)

that turned out to be a long post. I always wonder why I keep writing on here. I have a journal, I write plenty in there, why do I keep writing here? But, I love reading what other people write even if it is only very occasionally...so I guess that is why I don't stop.

Song of Solomon quotes

"I wish I'd a knowed more people. I would of loved 'em all. If I'd a knowed more, I would a loved more." --Pilate

"You got a life? Live it! Live the motherfuckin life! Live it!" --Guitar