so now that I complained a bunch on here, I feel like I should write something to offset all that negativity.

Some wonderful things happening:

1. This newest Sleeping at Last album is just beautiful. The music is beautiful, but what brings me to tears are the incredible lyrics. it is just so good. i can't explain it. give it a listen.

2. I got to hear Donald Miller speak twice today! In chapel, he talked about that Romeo and Juliet part in the end of Searching for God Knows What. And oh, I love that part. Sarah Isaacs also spoke this evening before him.
The two of them just made me remember how much God loves me, and how much He wants me to love him back. People say his love for us is agape-love. yea, it's not. Agape love wants nothing back...but God longs for us to love him back. He wants to be the lover of my soul.

3. I went to Liturgical chapel last night (yea, I went to chapel a lot this week). We worshipped with a piano and violin. Violins are one instrument that just make my whole body feel good. (along with cellos, and oboes, and french horns...and well, a multitude of instruments really)

4. I got mail again! I love mail. You should send me some! It makes me so happy when my mailbox has something in it.
Azusa Pacific University
PO Box 9521 #7102
Azusa, CA 91702

5. It is Friday...which means I don't have a paper due tomorrow! Yes. happy weekend. merry weekend? Feliz fin de la semana? we should have some kind of celebratory phrase for the weekend.

6. I have a bed to sleep in. And now I am going to go sleep in it.

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wait. a few more things.

I feel like I want to make plans for next semester, but I feel like they are just going to drastically change after I feel comfortable with them. Do I go to the mountains? Do I go to another country? Do I stay in LA? Oh, I don't know what will happen....and I love not knowing because I know everything will fall into place.

oh. I want to ride my bike across the country. summer 2010, anyone?

a sub-par entry. sorry.

I need to complain for a second:

When I walk into the band room at APU, I have to grab on to something sturdy to avoid getting knocked to the floor by the stench of pride that fills the thickening air.

If you are teacher, your job is to communicate with the students clearly so that they can learn something valuable. Your job is not to show off your ability to use big words in ways that students cannot understand anything you are trying to teach. And you have met famous people and been invited to do things with people who have well-known names? That's great, really, but I don't give a crap. I am in your class to learn about the bible. I do not want a good grade. I want to learn something that will screw with my mind. Please, teacher, teach me.

I just want one day without the task of writing a paper forming a nice dark cloud over my head.

done complaining.
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Good News! Richard Foster agreed to let me interview him about his spiritual life! I asked Shane Claiborne and Rob Bell too, but they haven't replied yet. (if you have any burning questions for this wonderful Quaker about his spiritual life, I would love to ask him for you!)

I have to write a paper on a well-known person whose spiritual life I admire, so the interview has come about.

Right now I am avoiding writing another paper. Or I am letting my thoughts simmer...whatever you want to call it. It has to be about a place that holds spiritual significance for me. I haven't a clue what it is going to be about.
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Here I am safe at last
In Your arms and in Your hands
My body's weak but You are stronger
You will carry me

Because You --- offer a life that is whole
You brighten my darkened soul
A mystery that I long to know
I am Yours

Here I am full of hope
Not weighed down anymore
Knowing you changes me
Never let me leave
(by andrew and jen polfer, performed by lovelite--The Fullness)

Clasping of Hands

LORD, Thou art mine, and I am Thine,
If mine I am; and Thine much more
Then I or ought or can be mine.
Yet to be Thine doth me restore,
So that again I now am mine,
And with advantage mine the more,
Since this being mine brings with it Thine,
And Thou with me dost Thee restore:
If I without Thee would be mine,
I neither should be mine nor Thine.

Lord, I am Thine, and Thou art mine;
So mine Thou art, that something more
I may presume Thee mine then Thine,
For Thou didst suffer to restore
Not Thee, but me, and to be mine:
And with advantage mine the more,
Since Thou in death wast none of Thine,
Yet then as mine didst me restore:
O, be mine still; still make me Thine;
Or rather make no Thine and Mine.

George Herbert

(Poetry is really hard for me. I cannot write it. Reading it and understanding it is even difficult. It takes more than several times of reading it through and out loud to really grasp it. But I like George Herbert. Does his poem "Church Music" have any influence on David Crowder's new album?)

God's beautiful rocks and people

I just got back from a wonderful weekend in the mountains. Living in Illinois my whole life, I never experienced the mountains, but here in California I have been to them twice now. And every time I leave them I can't explain how much I want to go back.

I got out of the car in the mountains, and took a deep breath. The air is more pure and sweet there than any other air I have breathed. Just breathing in the air makes me feel like my soul is cleaner and I can think with such great clarity.

I climbed to the top of a beautiful fatty rock after being the most fatigued I have ever been in my life and stayed awake just long enough to see the sun creep over the mountains. The beautiful trees and rocks and stars and sky are just breathtaking, but this weekend I was utterly astounded by the uniqueness and beauty of the people God has created.

I miss the mountains and the community formed by being in God's creation together so much once I leave it. Tonight when I walked, well tiredly stumbled really, into my dorm room, I felt like I was home. And I thought, "it feels good to be home". I feel like I have been here for so long even though it has only been two and half weeks.

And I am so glad that God is in the mountains and the trees and the pure mountain air, but God is here too in smoggy, dirty LA.

(Seriously...this thing is almost vertical. Praise God I made it to the top of this sucker. This beautiful rock is called Half-Dome. It is in Yosemite...in case you didn't know...)

taken from Longing for God by Richard Foster

Today, Lord,

teach me somehow to bless every person I meet.

Show me the preciousness of each individual.

Fill my mind with creative new ideas and

show me how to break the horns of cruel dilemmas.



May divine love become more real to us today... & every day.

May we want to experience divine love more.

May we want to love you more.

Please, Lord, transform our "wanting".

We would like to grow in love with you as well as fall in love with you.

Show us the way.

Amen.

glorious living

Hey, so I moved to California today.

Oh yea, I read some Ephesians the other day, and I like it.

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we're living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and god our hopes up, He had His eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of th eoverall purpose He is working out in everything and everyone." (Eph 1:11-12 "The Message")

I don't usually use The Message as an accurate source, but I really love the phrase glorious living. But, I wanted to define it. It sounds good, glorious living, but what does that mean for me?

Maybe glorious living for a painter is getting a bunch of bearded men in Mormon-dominant Utah to pose as Jesus and the disciples (This American Life). Maybe it is giving away everything God has provided for you and living in a tent, or maybe not. Maybe it is using less water, so your brothers and sisters have more. Maybe it is eating less, so your malnourished neighbors can live healthy lives. Or maybe it is something bigger than that, like quiting your accounting job and moving to India to open a necklace-making business so prostitutes can make a living a better way. Maybe something just as grand: keeping your accounting job and instead of buying coffee and netflix everyday you use the money to pay for groceries for the disabled widow down the street. Maybe glorious living is saying "sorry" or "I love you". Maybe it is listening and laughing. Maybe it is giving or a hug. or getting one.

Maybe it is all these things. or none. To me, glorious living is bringing shalom to the world in whatever way you can. There can't be a specific way because each person is so unique.

Just some thoughts that have been floating around in my mind lately that I wanted to spit out.