Doing much better than my last posts.

I learned to drive stick shift, went for a nice long hike in the desert, saw bear tracks, explored a wonderful used book store for several hours, swam, read a lot, ate some cake for my birthday, went for a run, ran into a cactus (ouch!), and now I am going to go swim some more and read some more. Hey, and now I can go buy and smoke a cigar, buy a lottery ticket, and get a tattoo... although I probably won't do any of that today, but I could.

a list...i think this is a good one

oh, p.s:
I am feeling incredibly grateful at this moment:

1. to have traveled farther than any 17 year old should have
2. for authors of fiction, fantasy, and spirit that have become my companions, my teachers, my remedies for loneliness.
3. for other seekers, other journeymen whose paths cross my own, leaving a profound impression on me (and if not forever, then certainly for specific legs of our long walk through life)
4. for every mile that wears my footprint
5. for my many teachers that show up in many forms
6. to those who listen to me (and those who don’t)
7. to those who present me with challenges that strengthen my own beliefs
8. for discomfort- because it requires me to build my muscles required to love
9. for people who choose kindness over being right
10. to my God (who provides a hug when I tell Him I need one)

Now I feel like taking a big breath, smiling, and falling asleep...but that won't happen because I will probably be thinking, laughing, and crying.

dirt makes fingenails grow

I have spent the last 7 days backpacking in the Sierra Nevada range. It was beautiful. Everything about it was beautiful. The landscape, the people, what God is doing. The last week has just been filled with such goodness. (I will probably write about it later)

Today, I was trying to be taught how to windsurf. I was not trying to learn, I was simply trying to hold back tears as I feigned learning. I don't cry too often about missing people, so this struck me as kind of odd. I felt like I wasn't myself, I hated being at the beach in the middle of a deserty California, and I just wanted to be alone and cry since I couldn't be with the people I wanted to be with. So I spent several miserable hours trying to be friendly to all the new people around me and a good learner of windsurfing while I pretended to be wiping sand from my now red eyes.
Well, then I talked to my mommy on the phone for an hour and felt better.

Now, I just want to go home. I want to celebrate living for a full 17 years and start my 18th year off well. Cutting my fingernails, Washing clothes, sleeping in a bed, playing guitar, hugging my pup...all things I'm not sure I can wait several days to do.

Things I have come to love recently:

Yoga.

For the past 5 years, I have done yoga every once in a while. I started doing it because it helped stretch a lot of muscles that were sore from running and biking. After reading a few books by avid yogis, I decided I should try to use yoga as a way to slow down a bit (not that I have a fast-paced lifestyle, ha). So, this summer I have done it about everyday, sometimes even a few times a day if I feel like it. Now, I love it. It helps me think about things that need to be thought about rather than focusing on the petty thoughts in my mind. Afterwards, I always feel like painting, or making some music. It's not something that I will do forever, but it is good for this time in my life.

Tea.

This is something I have also enjoyed for several years. I like everything about it. I like choosing new teas to make. I like waiting for the water to boil. I like that it feels like something straight-from-the-earth because you just put some leaves in water, and you get something beautiful from it. I like mugs (especially plain white ones, I don't know why). I like waiting for it to cool down a bit. I recommend African Honeybush (not tea, it's herbal). and white tea and jasmine green with citrus and I can always go for some tasty black tea with milk and sugar. I'm sure you all want to know this much about tea.

Sundown.

On a Sunday night (I like Sunday nights), I decided to take a walk around the lake near my house. The sun was setting and the sky was a sublime. The other people walking seemed particularly pleasant. As I was recognizing the beauty of the Midwest, a man started playing a string bass in a gazebo. My dog and I had to sit down and enjoy that time for a while. A couple minutes later, a man and his dog walked by and he (the man) said, "It's like dog heaven isn't it? beautiful, huh?". It really was heavenly, and made me appreciate that time of day more.

Driving Slow.

I don't know why. I used to like to drive quite fast. Now I enjoy taking my time to get places.

Busy busy busy

I love when so many things in life seem intertwined and connected in a way that could be just a coincidence. Like the people you meet at certain times always seem to be the perfect people for that perfect time. (of course it sucks when things don't work out that way). I also love when you just meet someone, chat for a bit, and somehow it feels like you have known them always and you know that there has to be something going on within and around us that we don't know about and no human ever will.

I feel like if you meet someone and you wish you wouldn't have spent your life up to that point without them, you should probably try to keep a relationship with them. (although you might always be kind of connected to them in some way or another even if you aren't around them).

I don't know why am thinking about this. I guess I am just realizing how connected everything is/seems.

The world seems pretty small to me at this point in my life. Places that should seem far off, seem to be just around the corner. I kind of like this viewpoint. I am glad I don't think of Uganda as an unreachable place. In my mind, it is not all that different from here. Different weather, lifestyle, etc. but still people living and dealing with whatever issues life brings.

Just pondering....
I'm glad there is so much more I need to learn. I feel young and stupid after entries like these because I know other people have much much wiser thoughts than I do.

No Envy No Fear

Some are reaching few are there,

want to reign from the heroes chair,

some are scared to fly so high,

well this is how we have to try:

Have no envy and no fear

have no envy, no fear

Brother brother we all see,

you're hiding out so painfully,

see yourself come out to play,

a lovers rain will wash away

Your envy and your fear,

so have no envy, no fear

When your sister turns to leave,

only when she's most in need,

take away the cause of pain,

by showing her we're all the same.

Have no envy and no fear,

have no envy and no fear

Every day we try to find,

we search our hearts and our minds,

the place we used to call our home,

can't be found when we're alone

So have no envy, no fear,

have no envy and no fear

---------------------------

I'm not sure why I like these lyrics so much. I guess they are just what I needed today; a clear reminder to live without envy and fear.

Oh yea, it is written by Joshua Radin.