a chipmunk was playing chicken today

i was on my bike

he was really bad at that game

i cried for a long time

he will be okay though. i hope.



i really am surprised about how upset i was. i felt so horrible. i hope i am never okay with hurting or killing even the smallest animals. crying is better than laughing or not feeling anything.

mud, hills, and smiles

I love hiking. and caving, and getting dirty...and then showering. ( Abe, I hope those 3 periods annoyed you)

I feel like a lot of the things I have been doing lately have been really challenging and improving some of the things I am naturally good at.

So many girls have incredibly low self-confidence. It hurts me so much that they buy into the lies that society (and pigs) say is truth. I have been lucky to have ladies in my life who don't worry about crappy stuff like that. In the Amazon, we didn't wear makeup, but we were still expected to look nice for going to churches. Looking nice for respect. for beautiful strength. Not for sex. or to cover up insecurities. I like looking good, and make-up is fun. whatever. But, I really respect women who are beautiful and don't wear make up. maybe I'm the only one thinks that. that's okay with me.

I also have this uncommon happiness with being single. Everyone around me seems to be so worried about girlfriends/boyfriends/fiances. For me, I like this freedom. I like being obsessed and madly in love with God only. I feel that if there is no other person in my life right now that makes me fall even more in love with God, then I should be single now. it's so good. for me. the time will come :) but now I am muy contenta.


(I spent this weekend with a bunch of lost, confused, searching kids a bit younger than me who frequently asked me "so have you gone all the way?" and "What?!? Why would you say no to him?". We also talked about whether or not there was some force or God that created the earth a lot. So, that's why my opinions are written here for all to see now).

I just filled out four college applications online...in 1o minutes.

obviously, they really mean a lot to me.

My parents asked me to apply to 5 schools by November 1, even though we have discussed that I am not going to college next year. One school already had all my information and didn't ask for any essays or application fees. I just had to check a box saying that I agree to their rules, and get ridiculously simple recommendation forms filled out. Hah! I love how easy it was.

Anyway. Not going to college immediately. that sounds so good. feels so good. no American dream. It is so awesome to understand how worthless jobs, education, money are. Souls matter, love matters, Jesus' life and death matter.

i miss hannah.


she would have played in the rain with me.

I Wish People Would Listen to Others better.

\I like the earth, I want to take care of it. Today my mother screamed (literally) at me for caring about the environment. She claimed that it is a useless care to have. I told her about those chapters in Job where God talks about how much he loves all the animals and the earth. I told her that makes me love it as well. She continued thinking I was a foolish teenager with thoughts that don't exceed that of what clothes I wear. She also told me that I need to form my own opinions rather than take everything that everyone else says as truth...but I think she really meant that I need to conform to her opinions. (but, i am just a teenager...so I will probably spontaneously combust if I think that much)

I have very little knowledge, but I don't think it is good to see everything in the earth as a resource that benefits ourselves, and then proceed to use all of that "resource" for our own needs...without thinking about future generations, or animals that use that resource.

God is so faithful. He's so good to me.

sometimes I wonder if he loves everyone as much as he loves me because it just doesn't seem possible that he could love everyone as much as the incredible amount he has for me. But he does...and that makes him even more almighty.

As my hope just begins to dwindle, God works. And then my hope becomes so much stronger, much more real.

I am being kind of vague. I will be specific later.

Just know how faithful God is. He is here right now. Not in some weird unbelievable way...but, literally. God is here. If you expect him to be here, he will.

this college crap is so frustrating.

every time a school offers me a full ride scholarship, my parents assume i will definitely apply there.
Also, they are always saying "WE need to fill out applications" , "WE need to record all your audition music", "WE need to get your art portfolio together", "WE need to write essays". But, this is my life....well God's actually. But, they can't make up for their crappy, selfish decisions by doing this college stuff with me.

And when I told them that I might need to/want to go Africa for a year, they said "God will tell you to go to whatever schools give you a full-ride". HAH!

but, it really does piss me off. They don't even try to understand what I say. I am not going to college because society tells me to, because my family tells me to, because I will get a job, or because it is best for me. I will do what God tells me to, and I can't stand that my family (who are called Christians) cannot understand that. If God tells me to go to school, then I will go, and I know God will bless that. If he says to stay home, then somehow that will work out and he will bless that. If he says to go to Calcutta, then I will jump on a plane as fast as I can and he will use me.