Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
scat. why not?
zip bop booo beep bibity boo doodoo dah deeet ski dee dah bloodee daaaaaaah!
just felt like singing some scat!
just felt like singing some scat!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
My life has become incredibly boring in the past 2 weeks.
After I had mouth surgery, I was on a bunch of pain medicine that basically melted my brain. It was quite difficult to do anything but sleep. :( that was lame.
So now, I am in no pain, and I can really do whatever I want...but I don't. Lately, my days have consisted of learning as much as I can about the US government (for an online class) and studying animals. I've had the desire to be a zoologist since I was able to think about that kind of stuff. Then, when it came time to really think about what my future looks like, I felt like I needed to come up with an idea that might please people more than hanging out with some sweet animals all the time. So, I kind of picked a random job that sounded kind of cool (and I might like) but really I just said it all the time to make people (mostly my parents) happy.
After going to the Amazon, and seeing lots of animals (especially at the zoo) and reading Life of Pi (you should read it, if you haven't) , I remembered how much I like animals. So for the past week, I have been trying to read all the books on animals from the library. Well, I was only going to read 2, but I couldn't stop. So, I like animals....but doesn't everybody? doesn't everybody dream about being a dolphin trainer? about being around animals all the time?
so you know...work in a refugee camp or a zoo? huh...kind of similar, kind of. whatever.
I don't what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but at least I know how I am going to be living it.
After I had mouth surgery, I was on a bunch of pain medicine that basically melted my brain. It was quite difficult to do anything but sleep. :( that was lame.
So now, I am in no pain, and I can really do whatever I want...but I don't. Lately, my days have consisted of learning as much as I can about the US government (for an online class) and studying animals. I've had the desire to be a zoologist since I was able to think about that kind of stuff. Then, when it came time to really think about what my future looks like, I felt like I needed to come up with an idea that might please people more than hanging out with some sweet animals all the time. So, I kind of picked a random job that sounded kind of cool (and I might like) but really I just said it all the time to make people (mostly my parents) happy.
After going to the Amazon, and seeing lots of animals (especially at the zoo) and reading Life of Pi (you should read it, if you haven't) , I remembered how much I like animals. So for the past week, I have been trying to read all the books on animals from the library. Well, I was only going to read 2, but I couldn't stop. So, I like animals....but doesn't everybody? doesn't everybody dream about being a dolphin trainer? about being around animals all the time?
so you know...work in a refugee camp or a zoo? huh...kind of similar, kind of. whatever.
I don't what I am going to do with the rest of my life, but at least I know how I am going to be living it.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Come now and join the feast,
from the greatest to the very least.
Come now and join the feast,
right hear in the belly of the beast.
Cops and soldiers, you can come too,
just lay down your guns and come on through.
Rich people get rid of your stuff
and poor people there will be enough.
Mighty ones come down from your thrones.
And little ones you are not alone.
Come on patriots, you can bring your flags.
We're washin' feet and we'll need some rags.
--Psalters
from the greatest to the very least.
Come now and join the feast,
right hear in the belly of the beast.
Cops and soldiers, you can come too,
just lay down your guns and come on through.
Rich people get rid of your stuff
and poor people there will be enough.
Mighty ones come down from your thrones.
And little ones you are not alone.
Come on patriots, you can bring your flags.
We're washin' feet and we'll need some rags.
--Psalters
Thursday, July 17, 2008
thinking believing talking
Tonight, I just told some people all my beliefs and I really do not remember what I said. I have never been so open about telling people some of the radical things I believe. I don't know if they thought I was crazy, or really radical, or a creeper, or maybe they were able to see God....which would be incredible.
Religion has just ruined so many people and their understanding of God. He's not a wimp. He is the almighty. dude, he created everything, like all those big questions that we wonder about....those are all Him. You know, like why do we love and why do we hate? Because God made us like that. What about stars, and the sunrise and sunset, and what about how the sun is at the perfect distance from the earth that is keeps us warm but doesn't burn us? How is that so perfect?
c
Those questions....all God. He created everything...perfect. Man, I just wanted those people to know that tonight.
You know what pissed me off most tonight? The church...and how it has screwed with these peoples' minds so much that they think about the priests and saints more than God. It made them think that God is not capable of so many things.
just...please think about what people tell you, don't believe it just because you are supposed to. just think. determine what is truth and live by it. know your beliefs. it is important.
Religion has just ruined so many people and their understanding of God. He's not a wimp. He is the almighty. dude, he created everything, like all those big questions that we wonder about....those are all Him. You know, like why do we love and why do we hate? Because God made us like that. What about stars, and the sunrise and sunset, and what about how the sun is at the perfect distance from the earth that is keeps us warm but doesn't burn us? How is that so perfect?
c
Those questions....all God. He created everything...perfect. Man, I just wanted those people to know that tonight.
You know what pissed me off most tonight? The church...and how it has screwed with these peoples' minds so much that they think about the priests and saints more than God. It made them think that God is not capable of so many things.
just...please think about what people tell you, don't believe it just because you are supposed to. just think. determine what is truth and live by it. know your beliefs. it is important.
complacent?
I'm trying to press into the Lord and fight during this time of loneliness and depression. I am trying to convince myself that I am resisting complacency, but I don't know if I really am. I am busying myself with the summer class I am taking, and I am in the word, and prayer, and worship daily...but I have no plans for getting involved in a ministry, or starting any new ministries, and no plans for being part of a community. I obviously don't want to plan too much, because I desire for the Lord to use me in his plans, but maybe I am just being complacent.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
my commitment
I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His and I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I'm done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudit,s or popularity. I don't have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy Spirit power.
My face is set. My gait is fast. My goal is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, buy my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear.
I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice or hesitate in the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ.
I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until Io drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He'll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!
found among the papers of a young African pastor in Zimbabwe after he was martyred
It is so weird being home. I am uncomfortable and I don't really know how I feel. I have heard about how God has been working here since I left, and it upsets me that I have missed all of that. I am frustrated that I don't have a community to run to and embrace right now. I have no community to spur me on or to worship and grow with and that is going to be really difficult.
I guess what I feel right now is...mostly detached. But also discontent, irritable, out of place, and impatient as well.
I will be forgiving with those who don't understand.
I won't take out my hostility or irritability on others.
I will be in the word, prayer and worship.
I will be patient with others.
I will write to my team.
I surrender my will, my feelings, my mood, my attitude.
I guess what I feel right now is...mostly detached. But also discontent, irritable, out of place, and impatient as well.
I will be forgiving with those who don't understand.
I won't take out my hostility or irritability on others.
I will be in the word, prayer and worship.
I will be patient with others.
I will write to my team.
I surrender my will, my feelings, my mood, my attitude.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Habia un sapo sapo sapo...
I am home from Peru...
and I have felt like crying (but I can't stop smiling either) ever since I hugged my leaders at the airport, but the tears have yet to come. I feel like my team has been my family and closest friends for the past month, and now we will never be together as a whole team again. It is hard being alone right now. I just want someone to tell everything about the trip. My family doesn't really want to hear everything...just some of it.
I will try to write more about it later, and include some of my journal entries from the trip too.
But, the abridged version will have to suffice for now.
The Amazonia screams God's glory. The sky is breath-taking 24 hours a day, the water, the jungle, the animals, the people are all just incredible. I will miss the simplicity of the people there. They would love if I just talked to them all day, helped them smash tree nuts, washed their underwear, or just laugh with them. It was awesome when God healed people through me, and when people understood God's love for them...but, one of the most beautiful things I could do for the people was just to make them smile. I will miss being schooled by the little kids in soccer. I will miss swimming in the Amazon to wake up and watch the sunrise. I will miss worshipping God with my brothers and sisters under the incredible sky at night. God worked in Peru. He changed the lives of Peruvians. He changed the lives of my gringo family.
But, he is working here as well. If you let him use you, He will do incredible things through you.
(Please call me. I am not enjoying being alone. I want to tell you what happened. I really just want to be around people)
and I have felt like crying (but I can't stop smiling either) ever since I hugged my leaders at the airport, but the tears have yet to come. I feel like my team has been my family and closest friends for the past month, and now we will never be together as a whole team again. It is hard being alone right now. I just want someone to tell everything about the trip. My family doesn't really want to hear everything...just some of it.
I will try to write more about it later, and include some of my journal entries from the trip too.
But, the abridged version will have to suffice for now.
The Amazonia screams God's glory. The sky is breath-taking 24 hours a day, the water, the jungle, the animals, the people are all just incredible. I will miss the simplicity of the people there. They would love if I just talked to them all day, helped them smash tree nuts, washed their underwear, or just laugh with them. It was awesome when God healed people through me, and when people understood God's love for them...but, one of the most beautiful things I could do for the people was just to make them smile. I will miss being schooled by the little kids in soccer. I will miss swimming in the Amazon to wake up and watch the sunrise. I will miss worshipping God with my brothers and sisters under the incredible sky at night. God worked in Peru. He changed the lives of Peruvians. He changed the lives of my gringo family.
But, he is working here as well. If you let him use you, He will do incredible things through you.
(Please call me. I am not enjoying being alone. I want to tell you what happened. I really just want to be around people)
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