I think this is genius. (I first heard about it in in the Chicago Tribune)


Tino Sehgal - Kiss October 7 - December 30, 2007 (Chicago Museum of Contemporary Art)

Tino Sehgal is a visual artist who creates temporal situations for the visitor. Instead of producing material objects, he creates an experience, a situation for the visitor. Trained as a dancer and having studied economics, Sehgal's artwork reflects upon the cultural and political relevance of artistic modes of production while actively engaging the viewer in its reception.
Kiss is a sculptural and contemplative work executed by two dancers who move slowly and consistently through a prescribed choreography. Both real and constructed, representational and artificial, Kiss evokes a state of absorption that immediately catches viewers and draws them into a subtle engagement with their own personal experience of intimacy.
Presented within the exhibition Collection Highlights, this innovative and compelling presentation articulates the role of the museum visitor by asking how the visitor experiences, defines, and interacts with art within a museum. Rather than passively regarding a static work, Kiss generates a connection with the viewer in the very moment of engagement with art that comes to life in their presence.
Although Sehgal has exhibited extensively in Europe, Kiss will be his first work in an American museum. This project is curated by Tricia Van Eck, Curatorial Coordinator and Curator of Artists' Books.

disassembled mind

"Once I loved, and not so long ago, with a consuming passion that [almost] killed me. I loved so hard and so well."

I want to say that after I am dead.
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I have been trying to write out what I think of this war. Because, I get into a discussion about it almost once a week, and I just need to decide what I believe, and be able to tell other people.

Obviously killing is not loving. So, I know war is wrong. But, I wonder is no-war possible? If there is no other way to remove an obstacle to peace except war, then is war said to be just? If there is an unquenchable bitterness and anger in a people, do you have the duty to exterminate them?
After a war, can you say that what follows is called peace? In my mind, peace is the absence of anger and bitterness, but is is the absence of the people who felt those feelings? So then they should be killed to get peace?!?!? (obviously this is not correct)

No one I know can kill without being able to justify the act because we all want the good or at least to be associated with the good.
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It is kind of a rule that you should behave like the majority. People make fun of imagination. I don't know how this has happened...the joke of everything different. Like... why does everybody want to be a flippin' engineer? Seriously, I am sure there are other things you would love more.

I keep thinking about living (probably because that is what I do with most of my time...you know...living), and I'm thinking that a soul has to live in order to be saved. to be free.

unfortunate run

This morning I woke up nice and early, and went with my closest friend, Hannah, to NCHS to get ready for the Turkey Trot. We got in line pretty close to the start line because we were early and we felt like we were pretty speedy runners.
These people were the quitest runners ever. It was practically silence the whole way...except for Hannah and I. strange...
It was the first snow this year, and it was beautiful...I love running in rain and snow.

Anyways, the race was great, we were running quickly and feeling good, having fun...THEN when I could see the finish line, and has just started sprinting, I felt like I was going to hurl. So, I pushed Hannah out of my way and vomited a lot. So I continued running, and falling and barfing and stumbling and trying not to walk and trying not to hit people with my insides as I went past the finish line. it was horrible. The worst part...they had bananas, and cookies and pancakes afterwards, and I couldn't enjoy any of it!

I still had fun, and will do it again. :)

(The best part...I had these sweet pants that were so warm but felt like I wasn't wearing anything AND they were cheap...that made the race worth it)

I talked with my mother the other day

and I don't think I could ever take her for granted again

or think of her the same way as I used to.

I think most people have some realization that their parents are more intelligent, and stronger than they ever thought.
As much as I have ever wanted to think I was smarter than them, I will never be able to just fix anything no matter what it is or what is wrong with it, and I would never have been able to deal with the things that they dealt with at my age.

blurbs of my thoughts

I was thinking today why so many relationships get screwed up so easily.
And of course there are millions of reasons, and I am definitely not correct, but I still think about it.

And I think for any relationship to work out, we have to know ourselves. Who we are, who we want to be, what we care about, what our dreams our, what our ideals our, and we need to be able to examine our lives as we live them.

Because if we don't know these things, we won't be able to make intelligent decisions, and days will be spent in silence without any conversation. And we won't be able to submit to each other, or be naked (emotionally / spiritually) with each other.
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My definitions of Strength and Weakness are getting really screwed up right now.

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I have kind of forgotten who I am in the last month, but this week I started to remember again....and it feels wonderful. Like getting to know an old friend who you loved all over again...except it goes a bit deeper.
And I am catching myself doing little things that I used to do...like have conversations with myself, or break out into made-up songs randomly, or do ridiculously reckless things. I feel like me again.

Lonely? Come and walk.

This weekend will not soon be forgotten.

Every day, I go for a run or walk or both at night. It is dark out, and people are probably home with their families. But, it is so weird to walk by people's houses. How many lights are on? How many cars home? Is there a family spending time together? A family fighting? A lonely person? A heartbroken person? What do people do? How are their lives different to mine?

Every time I walk, I think of the lonely people in each house. I wonder how many there are. If every lonely person came and took a walk with me, no one would be lonely. We would all have each other. So then why are we lonely? Are we too afraid to be around people? Too shy? So unsure of ourselves that we don't think anyone could ever love us? Too selfish? Too frightened? I guess I think that we make ourselves lonely. I mean, other people make us feel lonely, but we can change that so easily. We could do something about it, we just choose not too.

I don't understand, and I don't really need to.

wow... this weekend has been incredible so far, and it hasn't even really begun.

CAKE!

I have no money....except for some change

So, after school, I went and bought some flour and eggs (with the change). And I borrowed the rest of the ingredients.

And I baked a gift for my mother's birthday!

<----The Beginning of the process.

THE END!

the end of my week

I always wonder what other people do with my time, but i never tell anyone what I do with my time. So I will share my weekend with you.
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On Friday, after school, I helped my not so creative/fashionable friends to shop with creativity, and tried to get them out of their regular t-shirt and jeans mold. Then I went for a beautiful run through the autumn trees. Then a lovely friend came over and we started to write a story, which we plan to turn into a song.

Then our minds started going crazy, and we decided to do a little experiment on facebook, which has turned out well. You can probably figure it out if you have a facebook.

Saturday, my friend and her family invited me to go to Notre Dame with them for the day, and they were picking me up at 7 am. Of course, I planned to get up early, and get everything ready. But I didn't. I got up at 6:45 , and practically jumped in their car still dripping from my shower.

But, Notre Dame was incredible. The campus is beautiful and tranquil, and full of so much tradition. I kind of fell in love with it while I was there. Also, the friend that I went with, basically shares a brain with me, and I will her so much next year, i don't want to even think about it.
I basically never make friends my own age. I always make friends with seniors, and I have to make new friends every year. I guess that is kind of good, but still feels horribly lonely when they leave.

I got home late, and my parents were gone, so I took advantage of that, and stayed up all night, then I slept under the stars. A couple hours later I got really cold, and went into my warm bed for the rest of the night. I couldn't believe how cold it got, and I can't believe people sleep out there all night, and have no other choice. man. I want them to have some really warm blankets, and a bed. so badly.

But, I woke up late, and got to church late. And everyone asked me about my facebook experiment, and it was pretty hilarious. And PB talked about one of my favorite areas of the bible (Matt 6-ish), which was awesome, and it made me really happy that he was hitting on that issue. And then I decided I don't ever want to deal with credit. I know people that have never had a credit card, and I definitely want to be one of those people. It seems a lot wiser, and maybe more difficult, but it seems like it pays off a lot in the long run, and saves a lot of stress, and useless spending.

Then I came home, wrote a bunch of Peru letters (which takes hours, which has turned into a couple months) and homeworked, and guitared (and made up new verbs) and had a wonderfully restful sabbath. Then I went to TSM. Wow. Praise band played and worshipped at it's best tonight. We took our time, enjoyed worshipping God, and played as a group rather then a bunch of individuals, and we did it without our wonderfully humble leader. That filled me with immense joy and thanksgiving.

Then I drank some tea, and talked with my lovely friend. wrote some more peru letters. had a fantastic Sigur Ros-filled drive home. (people tend to give me really weird looks when I drive with the windows open when it is 50 degrees out--but if they just tried it, they would know how good it feels)

Now, guess what I am doing? Yep--writing Peru letters!

(but soon, I will start my night-long marathon of Christmas/Winter movies)

story of my life.

i know you don't miss me and you never will,
but i still want to know.
i want to know; did you ever think of me? did you ever want to walk with me? want to look me in the eyes? ever want to laugh with me? share your smile with me? share your heart with me?

because, oh, i wanted to know you. i want you to hold my hand, i wanted you to smile at me, to laugh with me, to be with me, and i was jealous. i was so jealous of those girls you looked at, the girls you smiled at, the ones you talked about, the ones that made you be more like you.
i so badly wanted to be that girl.

but i've promised myself. that i couldn't be with someone who didn't bring out the best in me. he didn't do it. he made me bitter. and nervous. and controlling. and you don't either. you make me mean, and sad, and lonely, and boring.
even though i could never be with you, could never let you hold me, i still wanted it.
i longed for it even.

but i wanted you. wanted to be with you. to know you.
but i could never tell you that.
and i never will.

please, just know, that i will miss you.

(my friend gave me a book to write poetry in a few months ago. i don't write poetry. i can't. i can't write period. but i wrote some poor ramblings.....so much for not being to heavy)

Everytime I put my name in for something free....I get it.

Every single time.

my laptop, our washer, a dehumidifier, a car (which i had to decline because i couldn't drive), and I just got a phone call telling me about my free membership to Lifetime Fitness. oooo yess.

Either no one else ever puts their name in for those drawings, or I just have a large amount of luck.

Not Such a DOWNER

uh...i just realized how depressing this blog is

i always update when something heavy is on my heart.

so sorry.

There are so many great things going on these days too!
like....
Today I went for a run in the dark, and got so frightened i almost peed my pants. And then the geese almost ate me for dinner.
And, my friends at school make me really happy.
I chopped off all my hair yesterday, and my head feels incredibly light.
Every time I go to practices for church stuff, I like the people more, and my attitude improves.
And I can actually play the music in band and i don't feel like a complete newb.
And my brother was home for a few days, and that made me really happy.
20 something people came to the Amnesty meeting! Yesss!
A lot of people are working to love people and care for others.
I have a place to sleep tonight, and warm blankets.

just listen

Does anyone else get crazy frustrated about something, but hold it in because you don't want to blow? And then one day, when you are frustrated beyond your capicity, you just go crazy, and your emotions are so intense you don't even know what to do?

that just happened. the blowing up part.
people don't listen to me. maybe it's how i speak.

or maybe other people are too focused on other things to listen to me.

especially at home. and church (of all places).
i say something, then i say it again, then people ask me to repeat it. so i do.
then they don't care.
at home, i say things to my parents, and they just completely ignore me, or are too busy asking me questions to listen to me. So, they end up getting mad when they don't know the answers to things they asked me earlier. then i get punished.

and now i am frustrated. and mad. and they are frustrated and mad. and i want to get away from them. but i can't. i want to play my song on my piano, but i can't because they won't let me.

and that makes me even more frustrated.

and now they are even more frustrated.

moral of the story: listen to people. have some patience, get your mind off of yourself, and focus on this other person for the few seconds/minutes that they need it. they deserve your attention. and it makes people feel cared for when other people treat them as more important than themselves. (*I know that I need to do this more often. I am horrible at it. But I know how it feels to be the other person, and it sucks)

We were made to be connected with the earth.
This is so obvious, but we ignore it completely.

Everyone acts differently outside. I don't know what it is....happier, more free, more light hearted?

I have fallen in love with the prarie path near my house. I love riding my bike next to a running deer. Or running, and having to stop to let a family of deer cross.

OR last Friday, I spent all day indoors, but as soon as I was outside, my attitude completely changed. I feel more like myself, more connected with myself, and other people, and God when I am in the midst of His creation.

I don't know what i am talking about. I never will understand. and that's okay with me.