an addition to my last post.

so, technology huh?

I feel like there are two ways we respond to it. either we can use it in harmony with God, or it will create an independence/arrogance from God. It could make us selfish.

so, Rob Bell made some things clear to me...there are degrees of separation from God.
-we are isolated from the cost of things. Say you pay $1 for a tomato from the grocery store in February. We (assuming other people do this too) don't even think about the tomato in vineyard in...Colombia (where do tomatoes grow?), and the cost for the farmer, the gas for the truck, for the plane, for the other truck, for the bag we put it in. We are isolated from that.
- isolated from consequences. A study was done on a baby inside the womb, and there were so many toxins in there...from the food the mother was eating. I'm sure there is an exact number, but still. our technology isolates us from the consequences.
- isolated from the environment. Has it ever been 90 degrees outside and you were wearing a sweater inside an air conditioned building? Other countries go for months in 100 degree weather without AC.
-isolated from the source. buying "Fresh" tomatoes in Illinois in the winter! why not buy things locally grown, it makes you much more connected to the source. This tomato experienced the same rain/sun/weather as you did. you are closer to the source, you can meet the people that picked it...it does more to your soul. (Farmer's mark, Grow your own).
It saves oil consumption and connects you with society/issues.

How about the car? (this is kind of sickening because I have the option of being lazy starting tomorrow...or today perhaps) Can you walk or ride a bike more places? It's hard to consider the lilies at 70 mph, and how about looking at the birds when you are sealed up in glass/metal?
We keep counteracting ourselves. sit in a car-go to a health club-sit in a car some more.
so..you don't have enough time?!? You do have time, we have just messed up our view of it. like...you don't have time because you have to watch a TV show?

GET THIS...if you didn't drive your car for 2 days, ,it would save 1,590 lbs of carbon dioxide emissions. What if a whole city did this ?!? Just park the stupid car, put down the remote, and go outside..we are isolated and insulated.

We have machines that cancel each other out. like we have a machine to put moisture in the air. then we suck it out with another machine. like our washer and dryer. If you just hang your clothes up-put moisture in the air, while they dry out.


and how 'bout that iPhone. is there any way this has provided unnecessary degrees of separation. I think we would be surprised if we consumed less. I think we would be much more connected to God and the issues of society.


sleep should probably stop this rambling.

this is unclear/confusing. sorry.

uh...never mind that last post. ha.

anyways. I have learned a bunch today. I listened to a sermon series by Rob Bell called "God is Green", and I would recommend that you go download it from the Mars Hill podcast, and listen real well.

It is basically about how it was God's idea to take care of the world, and Christians have not stood up, and that is unacceptable. WE ought to be leading the way of living simpler lives.

Job chapters 38-41 are crazy. God is so in love with His creation, he goes on and on about wild asses, and hippos, and crocodiles. I was laughing out loud while reading this scripture. God is sarcastic and funny!
God is not at all about production, but pleasure from creation. And he's not about consumption, but celebration.
We shouldn't be asking ourselves 'what more can we make from creation for our good?" but simply celebrating is and delighting in it because it just is.

For instance....what do we do with flowers? well, we kill them, and then stare at them. So obviously, captivating beauty does SOMETHING to us.
God desires for us (whom He loves) to live in sustainable relationship with God's creation (which he loves). A proper relationship.

WE AREN'T DOING THINGS. WE AREN'T TREATING EARTH WELL.

We are exploiting his creation by using things for our own purposes without regard to their well being. (exploitation--whatever you need, consume what you need to get it)
We are being the entitlement of his creation--we are simply strangers in God's land.

WE NEED TO SIMPLIFY

It is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.

The truth in this keeps slashing at my soul

i am sick of it

I am back from Harry Potter world now.

glad to be back, but enjoyed my time

Stars tickets go on sale today!

[Chicago, Vic Theatre, Fri Nov 2]

ah jeeeez :)

O man, I adore christmas music.

muddled meandering

In the last year, I have changed so much, learned who Jesus was, and fell in love with him. My faith has increased, along with a greater understanding of truth, hope, and love. I keep making my ideals higher and higher...and I am finally doing something about it.

I am about to fill out an application to spend my next summer in the Amazon jungle in Peru. My days are filled with learning about other countries, and trying to make other people understand what I have been learning. The American dream is no longer my dream...at all. In fact it disgusts me. The life I am living is filled with a purpose, and it isn't my own purpose. (and it feels so good :))

Usually about this time in the summer, I am dreading school beginning, but not this year. I don't really care if I have friends at school, or about the stress of classes, or even if I fail my classes. I want this school year to not be focused on me at all, and I have SO MANY IDEAS just floating around in my head...I don't want to wait to take ACTION!

But that is a month away...and I can wait. The weird thing is...I am excited about NOW also!

Is not that awesome?!? NOW! There never has been, and never will be right now again. and I am wasting now on this silly blog. ha.

Lately, I have been learning about the differences between men and women. And, I can't say I am a complementarian or egalitarian, because I am beginning to believe that God made a woman because Adam was lonely, and needed someone who could understand him and he could tell about the billions of animals he named in the last hundred years, and someone to experience with him the incredible love of God that was being poured out on them before the Fall. BUT, while I believe Eve did "complement" Adam in a way, she was completely equal to him, and God didn't make Eve someone else for Adam to be in control of. She was there to help Adam watch over everything else...she was equal to him in God's eyes.

And I think not understanding the opposite sex is a common feeling for most people. And I think in spite of our differences, there are certain things that tie us all together as humans, providing something common for us to understand each other. Maybe we are all unique, but we still share desires, drives, fears and loves that makes us understand each other, male or female.

Despite begin male or female- we love those who are given to us even if we can't keep them safe. Male or female- our hearts break for the people that are suffering around us, and far away from us. When we feel everything is lost, we all throw broken prayers up hoping there is a God who hears. We give time, tears, money. We all lay awake in the night. We all toss our love into the darkness, with nothing except a tiny sliver of white hope that we will succeed or what we do will matter-even if we know we will definitely fail, we would do it all anyway. Male or female, we will continue t0 be true to the Love that calls us out of darkness.

(inspired by Donald Miller and Kristen McCarty)

Uncomfortable with Comfort

Last night, after watching IC (again), and having a three hour long conversation about genocides around the world, how to change the world, how to get rid of ignorance, how to decide what to do with all this knowledge about genocides, I felt completely overwhelmed and utterly dumbfounded about what to do next. My heart felt heavy...it physically felt heavy and it hurt. Then, realizing that God can do ANYTHING, and knowing that other people are going to be there, I felt the greatest relief I have ever felt.


I woke up three hours later, and watched an incredible sermon video by Louie Giglio. It was intense. He talked about how God is wild at heart, and how he went against the world. In this world, we are taught to settle for the existing, live the American dream, be comfortable, and our minds are shrinking down to something smaller than what God has put there. All of the things we've done, places we've been, our position, power, things are all going to be gone. We need to live our lives with ETERNAL PURPOSE.
And we are made in God's OWN IMAGE. That is so overwhelming. I am not made in the image of some little nobody with a plain, run-of-the-mill life...I am made like the crazy, inordinate, creative, incredible God!
God BREATHED INTO US when he made us. Think of Adam. First, God picked up some dirt, and made a man IN HIS IMAGE, then he went up to him and exhaled into Adam's nose. THINK OF IT! Adam's first breath that he breathed out was God's breath. And that is what He does with each of us!
We aren't a product of circumstances, or our family, or our upbringing...we are a product of DESTINY.

Jesus wants us to live! Wild, crazy, adventurous lives! Shepherds go AHEAD of sheep (stupid, blind, vulnerable sheep). They lead sheep to a pasture (the fullness of a sheep's life).

THINK about Peter, for instance. He's a fisherman and leaves the family business to follow Jesus (this is crazy. his whole life is about this business and meets this dude, and there is just something about him, that makes him follow Jesus). So then he devotes 3 years of his life to following him. I'm sure Peter had to tell the family that he quit the business so he could wander around...oh you know, he went for a pretty cool boat ride, and walked on some roads. AND THEN, after devoting 3 years of his life to following a guy around, some guards come to arrest and kill the man he is devoted to! As soon as he met this man, his life became crazy and wild. And not only this, but, he left a legacy--a life that didn't end but changed the world.
Your past, circumstances, family, failure, ethnicity don't stop God--he can supersede EVERYTHING!

OR... do a little research on George Washing Carver. God changed the world through this man by using a PEANUT! what?!? yea, that's right.... A PEANUT!

God could blow your mind. Is your story boring? (mine is) Do your circumstances suck? Because God will use you to build a legacy on his story.

Just like ships, we float through each other's lives
Through the waters of beauty and grace
We will one day dock at the same port
And give rest to our weary legs
There is a light placed up in the sky
Like the stained-glass, time slows down

I wish I could sleep- I wish I could dream

I love the sound of my feet against these empty streets
I saw the whole town burn down- I'm walking away
Nothing stays- these feelings have wings
Our arms outstretched- we are soaring


Umbrellas

I opened of the newspaper this morning and there was a lovely article about the Decemberists. And apparently I wasn't paying any attention to them, because they are going to be in Chicago with the Grant Park Symphony on Wednesday AND it is FREE!

And I was going to miss it. oh goodness.


Yesterday I went to the library, and I forgot my library card, so I spent several hours there reading The Joy in Loving by Mother T.

She says something along the lines of, We complicate our lives so much by adding so many additions.

But the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, having no one...It is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience.

I love you God. I trust you. I believe in you. These are wonderful prayers.

titles are NONSENSICAL

so...my new doctor is a vegetarian. She told my parents the exact same thing I have been telling them for the past year. it is great.

AND she told me that I have asthma. wonderful. I am training for a stinking triathlon and I have asthma. It is bloody frustrating when I am running or swimming and my muscles are not tired, but my lungs are and they start acting stupid, but I can do it mentally and otherwise physically. I get frustrated with my body and want to rip out my lungs some days. But my lovely doctor gave me some medicine, so I will be able to train. phew.
ALSO...why do I get asthma now? Now that I do some kind of cardio activity everyday for the past year, I get this. People that don't exercise should get this.

the only free place to swim is my school. this is not good because 1. it is from 5am-6am 2. very skilled swim team members are there at the same time as me, and i feel lame 3. i am not sure am actually allowed to be there. oh well. oh yea, I hate training by myself. I push myself pretty far, but then I settle for my own standards, which aren't nearly as high as some other people's. Their standards would make me a much better...*ahem*...athlete.



My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
My body is a cage
That keeps me from dancing with the one I love
But my mind holds the key
I’m standing on the stage
Of fear and self-doubt
It’s a hollow play
But they’ll clap anyway
I’m living in an age
That calls darkness light
Though my language is dead
Still the shapes fill my head
I’m living in an age
Whose name I don’t know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow
My body is a cage
We take what we’re given
Just because you’ve forgotten
Doesn’t mean you’re forgiven
I’m living in an age
Still turning in the night
But when I get to the doorway
There’s no one in sight
I’m living in an age
Realizing I’m dancing
With the one I love
But my mind holds the key
Still next to me
My mind holds the key
Set my spirit free


oh...Kate Nash is great. I can't find an album of hers anywhere :**[
PLEASE, tell me if you know where I could get it!!!

i don't dream anymore. never.

it is the most terrible thing.

something is wrong. i can't figure out why i can't dream.

this makes me incredibly sad. seriously...it makes me cry that i cannot dream.

i can watch a sunset on my own, i can be alone

its frustrating when you see everything wrong with the world and have no idea what to do. its overwhelming me. other people are so good at making other understand. activists know how to make people understand. i don't

corporations run this world. it makes me want to vomit.

i'm sick of how much crap people have. how much my family has. how many THINGS i have.

i think the 4th of july is stupid. it is a week late. whatever. american nationalism is sickening.

im in a bad mood. im angry with the world...with america. im being a jerk.


i'm almost a year older. i have been vegetarian for almost a year. but im still a kid. and kids don't know anything, right?


i wish i could have clear thoughts. complete thoughts. record my ideas. have a clear conversation.
im too confusing, illogical, and unstable. poo.


please...go ride a bike up a hill. then speed down the other side without using the brakes. it will be intense. and thrilling.

a whole lot of rambling...

I think I could spend years living in the woods, with a couple other people to keep me sane.
I am in love with everything about camping. Community is so important in the middle of the woods. Everyone relies on you to do your share and you rely on everyone else too. Since there is no technology, no schedule, and no where else to be, amazing conversations happen. Also, you learn to be completely comfortable in silence with the people you are with.

Not to mention how much fun it is. Hiking, Canoeing, Rock Climbing, Kayaking, swimming, Boating, Water Skiing/tubing, jumping off huge rocks (practically cliffs) into the refreshing water. Simply cooking dinner is fun because of all the work it takes to make a fire and then try to get something to cook on it.

My partial family and someone practically in the family, and another family went. The father in the other family is a youth pastor and had to write a sermon while we were there. So, on one of our hardcore hikes, we got into a discussion about Church and State. (I think it is really stupid that people talk so much about this because it doesn't seem like this should be our main focus as followers of Jesus Christ...but that is for another time). It was probably pretty comical to see six people walking through the woods single file yelling loud so that the people in front and back could hear about God, Jesus, the Church, and a bit of Government.

My brother came to visit us from his summer job while we were camping and he had to go find a laundromat for his 3 weeks worth of dirty clothes. So we all jumped into a car and headed to the nearest town...Baraboo, Wisconsin. There were two places open on a Saturday at 4 pm in downtown Baraboo. One was the 24-hour laundromat, and the other was a place called English Books or something along those lines. I walk into this used book and immediately fall in love. A beautiful golden retriever named Nellie jumped off of her chair to greet me, and a woman with gray hair and hippie garb greeted me with a friendly hello and an offer for a cup of coffee. What I fell in love with most was the smell of the books. There is just something comforting about the aroma that old papers give off. Walls of books stacked from floor to ceiling that were 2 years old to a couple hundred years old surrounded me. Dim lighting from antique lamps, Old wooden kitchen tables with chess boards and books were in the small corners of my new haven. I spent an hour there, but I could have spent days there. I walked out with two paper bags of books and a cup of Freedom Coffee.

My brother teased about me turning into that old lady some day. I can see that....except the coffee would be free, and there would be beds on a second level for anyone who didn't have a place to sleep. It would be like another world for those people...they would be loved and cared for. And there would be pages and pages of other worlds for the people downstairs.


oh yes...If you have read The Irresistible Revolution or know anything about The Simple Way, you may be interested in knowing that a while ago (a couple weeks or more) there was a fire on their street in Kensington. They need prayer, and money, and help. I think the website is thesimpleway.org

I just signed up for a triathlon

I am scared out of my mind.