i am sick of trying to sum up my posts in a couple simple words that i always feel have to be deep or meaningful for some reason.

I went looking for the sunset tonight, but I only got a partial glimpse in this suburb. What I did see were peculiar, bold, vibrant colors. It reminded me of its creator. Jesus was peculiar in his times, he hung out with lepers and freaks. He was incredibly bold and courageous, willing to do anything to show love to the folks who needed it. And Vibrant. No one was like him, no one is like him, no one will ever to be exactly like him. He was different...incredibly different, and that made him shine with vibrancy.

I realized some stupid mistakes I have made. they were exceptionally foolish.
And it is hard for me to grasp that people who care about me (or once cared about me) are never going to accept that I make mistakes, are never going to forgive me for the mistakes I did make, and will have trouble trusting me again. Yes, it is hard for me to know that is happening, but it is awesome that there is someone who knows I make mistakes, and he doesn't really care that I make them...he loves me anyway.

i NEED to start living more like this guy. i feel like Christians or maybe even followers of Jesus have ideals that are high (and are continually getting higher) but our actions are not.

still fighting the complacency, ignorance, indifference, selfishness, and materialism of a common suburbanite.

I'm in love with summer.

i feel so brave in summer. and free. brave and free. i am much more daring to start new relationships, to do things that aren't allowed, to make the most of old friendships, to try the things I learn. Also I feel so free to run, free to do whatever i want with a minimal schedule, free to jump in a lake whenever I want, free to ride my bike through the deer tracks (or into a parked car.ha. that's another story).


I've been spending this week with a friend i haven't seen in a while, and I am feeling much more like myself than I ever do.


I love when silence become comfortable.

coward seeking courage

Things are changing in my life. I am extraordinarily excited. I don't want to sleep or rest or waste any time.

I am so sickened by this default plan that has been laid out for my life by...who? Society? Family? Definitely not God. You know the plan....graduate high school, then college, then get married/get a good job, have a family in the suburbs...ew. That's sounds so far off from what God wants from my life. It seems so wrong, selfish. It disgusts me.

I'm sure college is great for some people, and is part of God's plan for their lives. And I am sure marriage is part of God's plan for some people. But, it's OKAY not to go to college, and I dunno....go to Romania, Calcutta, Chicago, Aurora! And, it's ALRIGHT to live a life of celibacy. In "The Irresistible Revolution" a man tells the author that "We can live without sex, but we cannot live without love, and God is love." How can someone not be in complete awe by a God like that...it is beautiful. GOD IS LOVE.

I don't want to conform to this world any longer. I want to be God's hands, feet, ears. I want to live like Jesus. I want to see heaven on earth. Live. Suck the marrow out of life.

I need an uncompromising commitment to Jesus' teachings. I need a lifestyle that proclaims what is means to be a follower of Jesus in the twenty-first century.

Today is the longest day of the year, which is great!

But...tomorrow, the first day of summer, the days start getting shorter :(

People in motion People in motion

I love not having a schedule :)

Although, I have been fairly busy lately. I started my own business of Dog Walking and Pet Sitting, and that's real fun. Also, I am doing all of the cleaning, house work, and lawn work in my home and getting paid a bit for it...that's nice. I have been volunteering for an animal clinic in Batavia, and also I've been doing some construction with Habitat for Humanity. I'm planning a few hikes, and long bike rides.

I've been reading a bunch too. I discovered a warm, quaint area of my library where no children are screaming, there is nice natural light, and comfortable places to sit. It is the Adult Reading Room, which I am technically not allowed in, but I am going to stay there until I get kicked out. Also, very few people know about it, which is great...and it stays open until 10 pm!

These books that I am reading are screwing me up, and I love it.


I've gotten into the habit of falling asleep anytime I sit down or lay down. It can be quite dangerous too. Last week, I fell asleep in a tree. today, I feel asleep while reading in the blazing sun, which could have ended in bright red skin and a lot of pain, but luckily my loyal pup woke me up. I slept in the park, by the lake, on a swing, on a bridge, on my driveway...
Hmm, I don't know what to do about this.

I'm rambling now.

oh, does anyone ever Repeat after they Lather and Rinse?

And www.thecall.com looks AMAZING!! I wish I could go. So badly, I wish I could go.

happiness; to be dissolved into something completely great

I am spending the week at my grandparent's house, and I am having a lovely time.


There are so many things I hate about this town, like every body's ignorance, but there are some things that I am completely in love with.


I love riding my bike on a trail, and having to stop because a deer is crossing a couple feet in front of me.
I like running running the woods surrounded by sounds of birds and bugs, then coming to a clearing in a cornfield and experiencing absolute silence.
I love walking by teenagers playing a game of softball and being asked to play even though they have no idea who I am.
I love laying in my grandmother's garden at night and looking into the vast sky and not being able to tell the fireflies from the stars.
I love finding a hiding space in the garden and spending all day consumed in the world of my novel.
I love stopping at the dock on my morning run, and talking with the wise, old men who have gone to this dock every morning for their entire lives.
I love napping in the hammock in the shade of the astounding, ancient oak.

:)

Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn! Look to this Day! For it is Life, the very Life of Life. In its brief course lie all the Verities and Realities of your Existence. The Bliss of Growth, The Glory of Action, The Splendor of Beauty; For Yesterday is but a Dream, And To-morrow is only a Vision; But To-day well lived makes Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness, And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope. Look well therefore to this Day! Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

Lost in the cloud, a voice. Have no fear! We draw near!

a couple more hours and I am halfway finished with high school.

I am crazy excited for summer to begin. Next week I am getting on a train and visiting everyone I know in central Illinois. Possibly cleaning out some grandparents' attics, doing some shopping, some running, some reading, some relaxing, some enjoying :)


This past week I have had such a hunger for more wisdom. I can't wait to get home from school so I can grab my bible and learn so much. I am learning history this way too. I like to go to the library and grab a ton of commentaries on whatever I am reading, and spread them out on the big library tables. Then read them and learn about the people of that time, the geography, the cities, the rulers. everything!

It is incredibly exciting to fall in love more and more with my omniscient, forgiving, personal, eternal, awesome, powerful, omnipresent, graceful, renewing, omnipotent, eternal, holy, redeeming, restoring Savior.

I began a new endeavor today (even though it is not quite summer)

And I am on my way to becoming an amazing harmonica player.

over the past 3 days, I have found...

-that I love learning new things from the people around me

-how much we (humans) have a need to be with people who care about us

-that I enjoy listening to people talk about what they love and are passionate about

-how much other Christians encourage me in extremely simple ways

-how hard it is to worship God in everything I do. everything. it's tough.

-that a mixture of walking + middle of the night + the sky + bullfrogs + great people + God = amazing conversation